Your Ultimate Guide to Bargaining!

Street-shopping is about two things-

1). Bargaining and

2). Are you deaf? Didn’t I just say BARGAINING?

Why do we street shop?
To buy that jumpsuit for some hundred bucks, is it?

Nah! It is the sheer joy of going through loads of shitty clothes to find that one piece and then fighting tooth and nail for it, defeating the vendor with your constant haggling and then walking away with your precious find like a boss.

Actually, let me break down this cheap thrill for you…

 First things first, never step down rich from your cab.

The minute you enter your shopping arena…
A girl must look broke.

You are a girl on a budget; non-spendthrift and forget acting frugal; instead, pretend that your dad is a Sindhi and your mum is a Marwari. Put on that show and walk through the market keeping that childlike excitement away from your face. Look distressed if you have to but never ecstatic.

But what-so-ever, ALWAYS look like a potential- buyer giving way for the vendor to fall in the bargaining pit.

Once he starts taking interest in his to-be-customer, the battle begins.

Spot the thing of your interest, check it thoroughly with least interest. Check the ones you don’t like with visible interest. Keep your targeted dress unattended and ask its price among the other three things that you don’t intend to buy.

ACT

Whatever his quotation is, the first one has to be laughed off. Then in that flow, let your stern voice ask him for final price. He will resist. So now kill it with these three weapons

Greed- Remind him how you’ve been buying from him ever since you’ve moved to the city.

Also once in a while genuinely persuade your friend to have something for her as well from the same vendor! More the quantity, merrier the bargain!

 Sympathy- Go P-l-e-a-sssssss-e with a grin and in tune! Doesn’t work? Try this-

Look disappointed in HIM. Make him feel guilty for a “regular customer” who has come a long way just so that his items would sell. Look on innocently while your silence screws his conscience!

Warning- This is the LAST resort.  Tell him that it is a common thing over the market and you can get it from somebody who is reasonable. No effect?

This is where you use your ultimate weapon.

Squint at the dress for the last time. Bid it goodbye.
Now turn your heels nonchalantly, and…
WALK AWAY!

Keep walking… and wait for those magical words.9 out of ten times, the vendor in neon tee will call out for you!
The one time it doesn’t work is when he anticipates your game.

Common Sense-

  • The bargain hours are crucial. They don’t want to lose a customer just after they have opened for the day; while when they are closing down they want to clear the stock! So shop in desperate hours. Also, never try to bargain when it’s crowded. They won’t keep other buyers waiting to haggle with you.
  • Befriend the shopkeeper; smile and interact- attack his morals- he can’t overcharge somebody who has been so polite and friendly to him!
  • Apart from that, you can always try finding faults with the colour, fabric, fit- anything! Make him feel responsible for your trouble! Manipulate him into selling it to you.
  • SHOW him the MONEY. Hand it over to him. The feel of the crispy notes in his hand is bait he can’t avoid!

If You are a Tourist

Now apart from proper tourists’ place where it is obvious, avoid that tag.

Act like you KNOW the market. If you can pick up the local accent and their localised Hindi- KUDOS! Although beware against blatant pretension, that can turn the tables!

Otherwise don’t act touristy.  Never “Bhaiya, hum yahin ke hai. Tourist samjha hai kya?!” That will make it obvious. Keep it natural. Don’t get easily fascinated. Act as if this is a regular thing for you.

P.S. – Bargain so that you don’t get overcharged and because it’s therapeutic (Guilty, as charged). Don’t make it your mission to screw the vendors with foul bargaining just for the heck of it.

Chubby cheeks?!

​Chubby cheeks

‘Must be office-fix’;

Dimpled-chin:

‘That’s her win!’

Eyes are big;

‘Must work to trick!’

Curly hair?

‘Get them straight!’

Very fair?

‘Then, hell with her flair!’

Rosy lips, teeth within?

‘Can be called for mortal sin!’

Shallow retards, aren’t we?

‘YES, YES, YES!!’

-Moulika  Danak

Misplacing the Mains

Sometimes it’s only about misplacing your mains; like having some very right expectations from the wrong people. If you figure out it as sun, do not expect it to shine at night.
You know how a marigold can’t grow in a rose plant, right?! And us humans, sometimes we are like those marigolds, never going to appear, in someone’s rose plant!
But what’s saddening yet funny is that some of us wait on the Daffodils, all our life!

AN OPEN SECRET

 

You are a secret
So difficult to hide;
You appear unapologetically
In my unconscious smile,
Without any subtlety
You just betide!
And when they stare at me
In disbelief,
I catch you dancing there
On my lips!
So I send you back
To my core;
But incorrigible that you are
You sneak in my eyes now
And light it up with a sparkling shine;

 
And this time when they
Question me,
You dab my cheeks
In red and pink!

 

MOULIKA DANAK

On Your turning 21!

 

With all the perks of crossing two decades and officially entering the adult world, ‘21’ is a gung-ho age! Yet, those who turn 21 do not necessarily feel the same way on their D-day. Some of them actually feel like only yesterday they were in  cradle with a booger in their nosey and suddenly when they woke up today, BAM…21! They say these are the longest years of one’s life; sure, life is a devil racer!

SO, as today my bff turns 21 and I being 2 months senior to her in that matter, here I write her and all you lovely readers 7 of the many things that age ‘21’ brings with it!

(Yep, just two months into it and I have already gathered a few lessons: P)

So yeah,

Here’s to your turning 21, Kiddo!

 

  1. ‘21’ welcomes you. With a tiara. that reads “ADULT”.

Gone are the days when you can get away with,”Hey! Come on, I am just twenty!” The teen-feels that extend till 20 ruthlessly leave you as soon as ‘21’ embraces you!

  1. We grow up and that is conspicuous in our choices and decisions. Suddenly, News and movie-reviews interest us. Also, concerts and Stand-up acts become our thing!
  2. You start investing in experiences rather than materials. Unless, of course, Gucci announces Big Fat Flat Sale! 😀
  3. You come to accept yourself the way you are without seeking approval over not seeking approval! You become unapologetically you and that is probably the best thing about turning 21. Eventually, your ‘me-time’ becomes a priority, not just a choice!
  4. I am not really sure how beneficial is this change but it happens so that you at least begin to take relationships seriously!
  5. Also, you stop fighting against the inevitable, and accept your mistakes, draw-backs and regrets with grace; or at least you begin in that direction. Comparisons and expectations don’t pop-up so frequently!
  6. This is probably the last hyped-birthday ‘because now on birthdays will look more like some big digits photo-bombing the parties and celebrations defocused in the background! Now on, each number might look like a barometer of how much you have achieved and how much more you have got to! Sadly enough,’ eenie-meenie-weenie’ won’t make random decisions for you. It will feel like you have been left alone in an island, of which, you’ve only heard and read but to which never been before. And that is pretty much exactly what 21 is and extends to be. So, to be precise, Happy- Self Discovery!

 

P.S. – Happy Birthday. Have a scintillating year ahead! Stay awesome, stay you. 🙂

May we troll more and pull even more pranks than we do! 3:)

Lots of love!! ❤

 

P.P.S. – 21 or 71, I am going to be there for you. Always, all the way!

Now That You’re Gone…

Now that you are gone,

I don’t know where I belong;

We have lived a fantasy,

We have been a rhapsody;

It is all but my wallow now

And I’ll live with them- each broken vow!

We have had the time of our lives

But now I see you strive

To move away far-

Farther than you already are!

 

Here, I set you free

Of our talking-spree,

The merriment and glee,

Of what I called ‘our-little-infinity’,

Of me…

Yeah, now, you can just be!

 

We are no more us,

You ripped away our nexus

Into pieces of our memories and my pain,

From which your vanity will abstain.

You went away, and,

Took along with you, my rainbow;

Now I look into abyss of these passing morrows

To come in afresh someday, and,

Wipe off your traces- all gray!

 

Yet there’s no denying,

Oh yes, only, my heart melting,

Million times a day

Every time I say-

“Now that you are gone,

I don’t know where I belong!”