Your Ultimate Guide to Bargaining!

Street-shopping is about two things-

1). Bargaining and

2). Are you deaf? Didn’t I just say BARGAINING?

Why do we street shop?
To buy that jumpsuit for some hundred bucks, is it?

Nah! It is the sheer joy of going through loads of shitty clothes to find that one piece and then fighting tooth and nail for it, defeating the vendor with your constant haggling and then walking away with your precious find like a boss.

Actually, let me break down this cheap thrill for you…

 First things first, never step down rich from your cab.

The minute you enter your shopping arena…
A girl must look broke.

You are a girl on a budget; non-spendthrift and forget acting frugal; instead, pretend that your dad is a Sindhi and your mum is a Marwari. Put on that show and walk through the market keeping that childlike excitement away from your face. Look distressed if you have to but never ecstatic.

But what-so-ever, ALWAYS look like a potential- buyer giving way for the vendor to fall in the bargaining pit.

Once he starts taking interest in his to-be-customer, the battle begins.

Spot the thing of your interest, check it thoroughly with least interest. Check the ones you don’t like with visible interest. Keep your targeted dress unattended and ask its price among the other three things that you don’t intend to buy.

ACT

Whatever his quotation is, the first one has to be laughed off. Then in that flow, let your stern voice ask him for final price. He will resist. So now kill it with these three weapons

Greed- Remind him how you’ve been buying from him ever since you’ve moved to the city.

Also once in a while genuinely persuade your friend to have something for her as well from the same vendor! More the quantity, merrier the bargain!

 Sympathy- Go P-l-e-a-sssssss-e with a grin and in tune! Doesn’t work? Try this-

Look disappointed in HIM. Make him feel guilty for a “regular customer” who has come a long way just so that his items would sell. Look on innocently while your silence screws his conscience!

Warning- This is the LAST resort.  Tell him that it is a common thing over the market and you can get it from somebody who is reasonable. No effect?

This is where you use your ultimate weapon.

Squint at the dress for the last time. Bid it goodbye.
Now turn your heels nonchalantly, and…
WALK AWAY!

Keep walking… and wait for those magical words.9 out of ten times, the vendor in neon tee will call out for you!
The one time it doesn’t work is when he anticipates your game.

Common Sense-

  • The bargain hours are crucial. They don’t want to lose a customer just after they have opened for the day; while when they are closing down they want to clear the stock! So shop in desperate hours. Also, never try to bargain when it’s crowded. They won’t keep other buyers waiting to haggle with you.
  • Befriend the shopkeeper; smile and interact- attack his morals- he can’t overcharge somebody who has been so polite and friendly to him!
  • Apart from that, you can always try finding faults with the colour, fabric, fit- anything! Make him feel responsible for your trouble! Manipulate him into selling it to you.
  • SHOW him the MONEY. Hand it over to him. The feel of the crispy notes in his hand is bait he can’t avoid!

If You are a Tourist

Now apart from proper tourists’ place where it is obvious, avoid that tag.

Act like you KNOW the market. If you can pick up the local accent and their localised Hindi- KUDOS! Although beware against blatant pretension, that can turn the tables!

Otherwise don’t act touristy.  Never “Bhaiya, hum yahin ke hai. Tourist samjha hai kya?!” That will make it obvious. Keep it natural. Don’t get easily fascinated. Act as if this is a regular thing for you.

P.S. – Bargain so that you don’t get overcharged and because it’s therapeutic (Guilty, as charged). Don’t make it your mission to screw the vendors with foul bargaining just for the heck of it.

The Art of Doing Nothing!

It takes a bunch of leave letters, dozens of permissions, and  a couple of projects more than the routine pile to snatch that right to vacation and head straight home. And all this stress to attend a family function or visit that similar spot where all your folks meet every year or to take a trip, spend a fortune, come back tired and dull? Sad! All these vacation plans of yours might be fun at times but trust me it is not a ‘break’. You don’t take a break from your normal routine so that you can go labour at some other stuff which is quite not worth the toil that you intake round-the-year. You take a break that serves as nothing but a BREAK. Or, call it doing nothing which by the way is hell lot contradictory to its meaning.

Have you ever come across a man walking by the beach eating his farm-fresh carrot or just lying on the grass under the sky? He does nothing and that nothingness is ditching the clock and doing what he feels like doing and not escaping or postponing what needs to be done.

This ‘doing nothing’ break is sure not difficult but absolutely more interesting than it sounds. It is not one of those days when you get an unexpected off and you rot in front of TV like a couch potato. It is one such break where you ignore all the chores that need your attention deliberately with not a dot of guilt to stain your hiatus. It is about ruining your routine with pleasure. It is like treating your place as a farm-house. Waking up at odd hours, taking long showers, living all the while in your PJs, moving in that worn out yet comfy slip-on, having cookies for lunch and cornflakes for supper, forgetting the day and the date or even the month if you can, answering the door-bell only if you feel like getting up, experimenting a recipe from Google if you want to play a chef, painting the pots even if you suck at it, going out for a midnight walk without deciding on route and duration, falling asleep with a popcorn tub on your lap and book on your face, watching sitcoms all day long and trying to balance the number of seasons with the ice-cream tubs; like not caring enough about what next. It has to be a break from your regular activities. It is a clubbed set of many little things that you do back-to-back subtly that when asked “what are you doing” you would smile and say “nothing”!

 

-Moulika Y Danak

Chubby cheeks?!

​Chubby cheeks

‘Must be office-fix’;

Dimpled-chin:

‘That’s her win!’

Eyes are big;

‘Must work to trick!’

Curly hair?

‘Get them straight!’

Very fair?

‘Then, hell with her flair!’

Rosy lips, teeth within?

‘Can be called for mortal sin!’

Shallow retards, aren’t we?

‘YES, YES, YES!!’

-Moulika  Danak

Misplacing the Mains

Sometimes it’s only about misplacing your mains; like having some very right expectations from the wrong people. If you figure out it as sun, do not expect it to shine at night.
You know how a marigold can’t grow in a rose plant, right?! And us humans, sometimes we are like those marigolds, never going to appear, in someone’s rose plant!
But what’s saddening yet funny is that some of us wait on the Daffodils, all our life!

AN OPEN SECRET

 

You are a secret
So difficult to hide;
You appear unapologetically
In my unconscious smile,
Without any subtlety
You just betide!
And when they stare at me
In disbelief,
I catch you dancing there
On my lips!
So I send you back
To my core;
But incorrigible that you are
You sneak in my eyes now
And light it up with a sparkling shine;

 
And this time when they
Question me,
You dab my cheeks
In red and pink!

 

MOULIKA DANAK

On Your turning 21!

 

With all the perks of crossing two decades and officially entering the adult world, ‘21’ is a gung-ho age! Yet, those who turn 21 do not necessarily feel the same way on their D-day. Some of them actually feel like only yesterday they were in  cradle with a booger in their nosey and suddenly when they woke up today, BAM…21! They say these are the longest years of one’s life; sure, life is a devil racer!

SO, as today my bff turns 21 and I being 2 months senior to her in that matter, here I write her and all you lovely readers 7 of the many things that age ‘21’ brings with it!

(Yep, just two months into it and I have already gathered a few lessons: P)

So yeah,

Here’s to your turning 21, Kiddo!

 

  1. ‘21’ welcomes you. With a tiara. that reads “ADULT”.

Gone are the days when you can get away with,”Hey! Come on, I am just twenty!” The teen-feels that extend till 20 ruthlessly leave you as soon as ‘21’ embraces you!

  1. We grow up and that is conspicuous in our choices and decisions. Suddenly, News and movie-reviews interest us. Also, concerts and Stand-up acts become our thing!
  2. You start investing in experiences rather than materials. Unless, of course, Gucci announces Big Fat Flat Sale! 😀
  3. You come to accept yourself the way you are without seeking approval over not seeking approval! You become unapologetically you and that is probably the best thing about turning 21. Eventually, your ‘me-time’ becomes a priority, not just a choice!
  4. I am not really sure how beneficial is this change but it happens so that you at least begin to take relationships seriously!
  5. Also, you stop fighting against the inevitable, and accept your mistakes, draw-backs and regrets with grace; or at least you begin in that direction. Comparisons and expectations don’t pop-up so frequently!
  6. This is probably the last hyped-birthday ‘because now on birthdays will look more like some big digits photo-bombing the parties and celebrations defocused in the background! Now on, each number might look like a barometer of how much you have achieved and how much more you have got to! Sadly enough,’ eenie-meenie-weenie’ won’t make random decisions for you. It will feel like you have been left alone in an island, of which, you’ve only heard and read but to which never been before. And that is pretty much exactly what 21 is and extends to be. So, to be precise, Happy- Self Discovery!

 

P.S. – Happy Birthday. Have a scintillating year ahead! Stay awesome, stay you. 🙂

May we troll more and pull even more pranks than we do! 3:)

Lots of love!! ❤

 

P.P.S. – 21 or 71, I am going to be there for you. Always, all the way!